Its six a.m.
Feeling pretty decent this morning.
Held her close and felt her chest rise and fall as we breathed together.
Touched her hair and walked out of the room.
Same thing every morning.
Leave little notes behind make her smile.
Play ridiculous amounts of music and drink until someone passes out.
Smoke the 2nd half of her cigarette.
Go out to the movies and laugh at how horrible the movie we paid to see is.
Be bored while we sit in the same space as the day before last.
Go running together.
Fall asleep together. Wake up together.
Laugh together.
Cry together. Many times cry together.
Worry together.
Get excited together.
Plan road trips and look forward to the unknown.
Get afraid of the unknown.
Get sick together and lay in bed whining.
Cook together.
The night before sitting close together watching meaningless television shows.
Sitting that close somehow anything seems a little more meaningful as long as its shared.
Listen to her voice in my head. Think about her.
Dance. Smile. Frown. Hurt. Breathe. Live. Move. Plan. Think. Everything humanly possible do together.
Turn the keys in the door, door unlocks, I walk in and look for her. Calm at first, room after room its empty. Frantic searching in and out of the house.
She is gone.
What if all those things were the last time?
what if we treated every moment we shared with someone as if it might be the last time? would we be too eager to make it more memorable? more special? more personal? and if so, during the process would those moments lose what actually makes them special? their authenticity so to speak? it goes hand in hand with the question, "would you want to know when you're going to die?"
ReplyDeletei say no. and i like getting lost in the moment and not crowding my brain and emotions with fear of an end. so then when the end does come i can look back and know it was all genuine.
i really enjoyed this gabe. made me sit and think a little.